5 Tools for Getting Rest in a Chaotic Service Role

Servant Leaders take ourselves out!

I spent the first 20 years of my career trying to save the world.  I had a business degree and a heart for social services so I combined the two to develop and run out-of-school programs for K – 6th graders.

When I started, it was with hope in my heart that giving kids a safe, fun place to be during out-of-school hours would support our community and help our next generation grow stronger and wiser. 

Now that I saw what happened in the 2022 midterm elections, I’m pretty sure I was right about that, but what I didn’t realize was that the problems I helped solve didn’t end with fun activities after school.

I was quickly assaulted by the truth of privilege in the US and how different home and community life can be for children in different economic areas – often separated by race, ethnicity, and citizenship.  Over time, I helped with several organizations, legal efforts, non-profits, collaborations, grants, and more because the needs were so great and the resources so limited. I could never do enough.

As I look back now, grateful for the tools I’m about to share with you, I wish I had known better ways to fight for change and equity besides simply running myself ragged trying to “save” everyone.  We’re getting better at this with Gen Z folks as our business and political leaders, but we still have work to do to reverse the damage done by generations of greed and white supremacy. As the brilliant Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry explains in her book, “Rest IS Resistance”.

The following are tools I often overlooked for maintaining rest in my chaotic service leadership roles, but I’ve been able to fall back on them consistently. Now, I prioritize them so I can maintain the work I’m doing on purpose and with intention. Make sure you consult with your doctor, therapist, and lawyer when considering these options for yourself. 

Sleep

It is easier said than done, but I can not overstate the importance of sleep.  I had a period where I was working in a political situation involving senate committees and big business. I was also doing a day job and running a startup. I really believed the work I was doing was important, and perhaps it was, but I was up at 5 am and having calls until past 10 pm for months. When I hit the wall, I smashed into it at full speed and it took me 6 months to recover. Simply placing a boundary around my sleep could have made the difference between longevity and burnout.

When we’re talking about sleep though, it’s a very personal and nuanced topic. It’s important to take into account physical, mental, and environmental factors affecting your ability to sleep soundly and give your body the time it needs to rest and restore every day.  I’m not a sleep doctor, but I’ve heard folks report needing anywhere from 6 – 10 hours, which seems reasonable to me.  The key is to prioritize your sleep and create boundaries to protect however much time your body needs for it. That includes seeing a doctor if your body is telling you it’s having trouble getting or staying asleep.

Rest/Sleep Aids

Speaking of sleep, there are a lot of tools you can use to aid your sleep mentally, physically, and environmentally. Some of my favorites include:

1. Oil Diffuser – When I can’t sleep, an oil diffuser with high-quality lavender oil is perfect. I love the essential oil from Ali’i Kula, the lavender farm on Maui. 
2. Brain.fm – Brain.fm plays frequencies designed to put your brain into different states like focus, rest, and sleep.  Its sleep tracks are lovely and work like a charm with a nighttime headset. They are best played through headphones and can play for up to 10 hours straight.
3. Calm app – the Calm app offers both guided and unguided meditations for sleep and other things. I honestly recommend this app for all day, anytime you could use a pick me up about one thing or another, but especially for sleep.  They even have children’s sleep meditations and stories so you can help your kids sleep well too! My 8-year-old is out like a light in about 4 minutes when I play their sleep meditations for her. 
4. CBD/THC products – in most of the United States, you can now order Hemp-derived CBD products and legally have them shipped right to your door. I highly recommend a nighttime edible (gummy, tea, tincture, etc) as well as topical creams, lotions, and bath products to prevent and minimize aches and pains.  Two of my favorite sources for reliable, lab-tested, state-licensed products are TruInfusion and Polite. Both of these companies also have full-spectrum THC versions of their products available at licensed dispensaries in a few states. If your state has legalized cannabis, you’ll be able to find comparable products at your local dispensary. I don’t recommend buying CBD or THC products from brands that don’t provide lab results. There are a lot of snake oil salesmen in this market still.
5. Sleeping pills – Of course, you should consult your doctor and follow all precautions, but it’s funny to me how we’ve demonized OTC sleeping pills when they are inexpensive and can be super effective. Costco carries a great OTC product that’s about $10 for a 192-day supply. Let me assure you, 192 days of great sleep can transform your life.  While you may have different results, I use them and have never had a problem waking up for an emergency or feeling drowsy in the morning.
6. Good pillows and mattress – This would seem to go without saying, but I know how hard it can be in some phases of life to have a high-quality mattress and pillows, AND this is one of those areas worth spending money on because good sleep is that important.  If you aren’t sleeping well because your mattress hurts or your pillows are wrong for you, they’re robbing the whole world of your best self. Maybe you can find someone to contribute to your cause!  Also, there are less expensive but good options now in the mattress world. Check out a Tuft & Needle or another foam mattress company – they even have payment plans and money-back guarantees! I like to use a pillow between my knees to help relieve lower back stress.
7. Blankets – Another simple but crucial part is the blankets you have on your bed. Are they too hot, too cold, too heavy, or too light? Some folks sleep much better with a weighted blanket, while others do best with no more than a sheet. Bearaby has gorgeous weighted blankets of various weights. Providing the right type of comfort to your body and nervous system while you sleep will help you get the best rest. Don’t forget to change and wash blankets regularly because even if you’re very clean, allergens can build up in blankets and make it tough to breathe while you’re asleep.
8. Programmed HVAC – Programmable HVAC thermostats and digital home control centers make it easy to ensure the temperature in your house is conducive to your sleep. If yours isn’t already programmable, time to switch it up! That 1 or 2-degree drop at night is the difference between a sound sleep and a session of night sweats for me. My husband, the HVAC expert, recommends the Honeywell programmable thermostats.

Physical health

Your physical health is a contributing factor to the quality of your rest. Again, since I’m not a doctor, I’ll remind you, go see yours!  Just because you don’t have any acute symptoms, if you feel you aren’t able to rest properly, it’s worth a visit. It could be a case of low or high blood pressure, blood glucose levels, dehydration, or so much more. It might be nothing or it could be a big deal. Prevention and early treatments are key to maintaining good health, which you need to do if you’re going to keep up all that important work you’re doing! Prioritize the body that carries and supports you the way you support your community and the folks who need you. Have that same grace and compassion for yourself as you have for them.

Boundaries/schedule 

This is one of the biggest challenges I see clients consistently facing. Especially the servant leaders. And it’s because we’ve been lied to. We’ve been told to ask ourselves “if not me, then who”? Well, I have a different answer than “Me”.  It’s the universe, God, love, the community, Spirit, or whatever you want to call it. In a nutshell, you AREN’T the only person on the planet who can solve XYZ issue.  You may believe you are, but if you disappeared tonight, many things would carry on in your absence, some would adapt or burn out, the earth would continue spinning, and life would carry on. As harsh as that may seem, it’s actually a blessing.  You are not responsible to save the world, my friend!  You, too, deserve to have boundaries and balance in your life and to allocate time, effort, and resources towards yourself, your family, your fun, your health, and your well-being just as much as you do towards your work and service. So, create boundaries that work for you and allow yourself to schedule your rest, whatever that looks like. Personally, my clients know that if they text or email after 7 pm they will likely not get a response until the following day. No one has canceled on me for it yet! If this is a tough practice for you to begin, I recommend the book The BOSS Shift by my friend and business associate La’Vista Jones. In it, she talks about the dangers of allowing the overwhelm to take us out and how to set up systems and self-care to win the battle. 

Therapy

Last, but more like first and definitely not least, is therapy. I’m no therapist, but there was a point along my path when I realized the way I threw myself into “saving the world” was a trauma response from a young girl who felt very little control. Does that mean the work I did for the community before I realized that was tainted or bad? No, not necessarily, but I WAS pouring from a leaky cup. That leaky cup still gave water to the people right in my vicinity, but it couldn’t do much more than that. You don’t need therapy because you’re messed up or broken or have something wrong with you. The opposite, in fact. You need therapy because you’re a typical human who has experienced things you didn’t understand at the time. And there isn’t just one type of therapy. It’s white supremacy to think that’s the case. Many spiritual, cultural, and medicinal practices have therapeutic outcomes. That’s a journey for you to take for yourself, but I’m here to remind you that you are worth it and that a healed and healing you can do everything better. 

The overarching point of this post is to remind you that even though your work is so vital and helps so many people in so many ways, you are equally important in the equation. Your health and well-being are vital to all the work you do and to you being able to live your best life. When I was forced to my deathbed at 39 years old, I had to face the reality that everyone would carry on without me if I didn’t survive. It was sad and scary at first, but it was liberating once I realized that while I am still alive, caring for the body I live in was actually job number 1. Everything else I do and can do is dependent on how well I do that while I have the privilege to.

If you feel yourself getting stretched too thin in your chaotic service roles, I have some things coming to help you get back on track. Let’s hop on a quick, free call to talk about where you’re at and what resources you need in the short term and over time. I’m here to support you.